Forever and Always
by LalaEveryDay
Summary: Things were collapsing, way too fast for either of us to try to build up the ruins of our once beatiful relationship. I just don't get it. How could things get so bad, so quickly? One of the many mysteries in this messed up life that I call my own. Song-fic. Rated T. One-shot.


**Forever and Always**

**Things were collapsing, way too fast for either of us to try to build up the ruins of our once beatiful relationship. I just don't get it. How could things get so bad, so quickly? One of the many mysteries in this messed up life that I call my own. Song-fic. Rated T. One-shot.**

**Herro! Imma keep this short: an angsty one-shot songfic to Forever and Always by Taylor Swift. You probably hate me. I hate me. Um...enjoy?**

_Once upon a time, I believe it was a Tuesday when I caught your eye, we caught on to something. I hold on to the night, you looked me in the eye and said you loved me._

Where the hell am I?

No, don't get me wrong. I am completely aware of where I am physically at the moment. But as for where my life is going? Not so much.

Especially with Eddie.

It isn't right. It's messed up and crazy and so not like either of us. Why can't I find the rewind button on life? If I could, I would go back to the day things started spiraling.

Well, that is, once I figure it out.

I wipe a tear off my eye, not wanting it to hit the solid wood table I'm leaning over. If I could find the rewind button, I would go back to that night. The night that Eddie met me at our special place, and he told me he loved me for the first time. That night was full of hurt, longing, and tears, but I still felt fireworks go off in the back of my mind when he said it.

_Were you just kidding? 'Cause it seems to me, this thing is breaking down we almost never speak. I don't feel welcome anymore._

But now, everything's a wreck. Every day I grow more desperate to find that rewind button. It seems to me that this whole relationship is collapsing, and I'm the only one trying to keep it from tipping over. But I'm only so strong. It's like I don't feel welcome with him anymore. I feel like an outsider, like I don't belong. Maybe he tries to make it work. But I never thought I'd be the girl to say that he needs to try harder. We hardly even speak anymore. Maybe a breif phone call once a week, where I, of course, have to call him.

Yes, my strength is definitely giving out.

_Baby, what happened?_

Eddie knocks on my door. His face is almost expressionless, as usual. I open the door, preparing myself. No, I'm not going to cry. I won't let myself. Because now was the time to be brave, and ask him the question that's been circling my mind for the past two and a half months. I step aside, allowing him to walk into my home. As soon as I shut the door, I begin to speak.

"What happened?" I ask. He stares at me, confused

"What?" He replies. I fold my arms and take a deep breath, reminding myself not to cry.

"Where the hell are we going?" He looks at the floor, clearly not wanting to answer my question. But I'm determined to get an answer.

"I don't know what you're-" He starts, but I cut him off.

"Don't act like there's nothing wrong. Eddie, tell me. What happened to us?" Eddie looks at me, and for the first time in months, I see something besides confusion or a blank stare.

This time, I see sadness.

"I don't know," He mumbles. I walk over to him, keeping my safe distance at about two feet.

"Well, I need to know," I say sternly. I'm not about to let him get away from this so easly. I need an answer.

"You know, Loren, I'm getting tired of this." My mouth drops. He's getting tired of this? No. No, I won't let him get away with that lame excuse.

"You're getting tired of this? Eddie, there's barely nothing to get tired of! Dammit, I don't even see you anymore! How the hell can you be tired of something that isn't even there?" I shout. I bite back tears, not wanting to let him see that I'm hurting myself by saying these words. But they need to come out.

"And how is that my fault?" He snaps. "If you want something different, find someone different." I can't help but let a tear slide down my cheek at his harsh words.

"What happened to you?" I whisper, dropping my gaze to my feet. I can't even look at him anymore. "This is so out of character." I feel his arm on my waist, and his free hand takes my chin and makes my eyes look into his. He wipes the flowing tears off my cheeks, but it's all wrong.

"Don't cry," He murmurs. "Please, don't cry." I'm temped to give in, but I don't.

"Don't touch me," I tell him. "Not until we sort out this mess." I step away from his touch, even though I'm reluctant. Three months ago, if he'd done that, we'd be kissing by now. But that loving gleam in his eyes isn't there anymore. It's replaced with coldness. Harshness. And I can't let him convince me he loves me even though he's proven that to be so false.

"Loren, why are you so dramatic?" He asks, sounding irritated. I wipe the tears off my cheeks with the back of my hand, taking a deep breath.

"What happened to you?" I repeated, "You never answered my question." He shoots me a glare, something he's never done.

"Everyone changes, Loren." I shake my head.

"But most people change for the better. Eddie, tell me; how is this better?"

_At least tell me, because one second we were perfect and now you're halfway out the door_

"Loren, why are you so damn clingy?" He shouts, standing on the opisite side of the room from me. I wipe another tear off my cheek.

"When did you become such an ass?" I retort. I never thought that the old Eddie, my loving boyfriend who dropped by my house in the middle of the night to bring me flowers, the Eddie that told me he loved me at least fifty times a day, would become this. This complete ass that isn't by any means him.

"An ass? How am I an ass?" He exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air and laughing a humorless laugh.

"Think back to what you just said to me, and tell me that that's something you're proud of saying. That's how I know that you're an ass, because yoy aren't the same guy I fell in love with!" I scream. He stares at me, before marching across the room and walking out the door. I slam it behind him, and once it's shut, I slide down the back of it. I sit there and cry, harder than I think I ever have. I cry about him and the things he said to me, I cry about my old boyfriend, who is no longer even here anymore. No, he's been replaced by some... some thing, that I don't even know. How could things to from perfect to horrible in the snap of a finger? I cried about that, too.

It takes me all of thirty minutes to get up off the floor and to the kitchen table. I don't know why I moved, but I did anyways.

_Maybe he'll call,_ I think half-heartedly.

_And I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called, and you feel so low you can't feel nothing at all._

Three hours later, I'm still staring at the phone, hoping for a call that I know deep down would never come. I just can't explain it. I feel even lower than I did this morning. Mainly because I've decided that Eddie was as good as dead to me. It's a horrible thing to say, but it's true. He's gone, and he's not coming back. He was gone before he even left my house. It's strange, because I feel numb inside. In all the movies, you see people grieving and screaming and talking about how in pain they are. But I'm not in pain. I'm numb. I feel like if I were to get shot in the arm right now, I wouldn't feel a thing.

I honestly don't know which I prefer: numbness or pain. Because, at least with pain, you can feel something.

_And you flashback to when we said forever and always..._

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out the good memories that I had with him. But there are far to many.

***Flashback***

It was a warm, Saturday night. Eddie and I were sitting at our special place, on a spread out picnic blanket. Our fingers were intwined, resting on my lap, while my head simply rested on his shoulder. It was so calm; it seemed as if even the city had shut down just for us.

"Do you remember that one time, when we were in my apartment and we were discussing my super human rock star powers?" I cracked a smile.

"Yes," I replied. He let go of my hand and wound his arm around my waist, pulling me gently on top of his lap. He rested his forehead on my shoulder, while I stared off into the distance, admiring the gleaming lights and the mesmerizing sunset.

"And how we wished I could stop time?" I laughed lightly.

"Yes, very clearly."

"Well, I wish I had super powers again." I laughed again, as he pressed a kiss to the area between my neck and my shoulder, right above my collar bone and sending chills up my spine.

"Well, good news," I started, "Lucky for us, today is Saturday. And you know what that means?" I spun around so I was straddling him. He smiled and locked his hands behind the small of my back.

"No school tomorrow?"

"No school tomorrow." I leaned in and kissed him, briefly.

"Loren," He said, "I love you." I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I love you too." I kissed him lightly again, before pulling back and looking at him. He stroked a lock of hair behind me ear that had fallen in my face.

"Forever and always?" He whispered.

"Forever and always," I repeated, sealing what little space was left between our lips with a kiss.

***End of Flashback***

These memories are to good to let go, but I can't help but wonder where Eddie went. Because the man that was in my house a few hours ago was definitely not the same man that was in my memories.

_And when it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong, it rains when your here and it rains when your gone. I was there when he said forever and always._

I feel like I can't live with myself after losing the best thing in my life. But, then again, he was gone before I had the ability to even lose him.

Dammit, why does it always have to be so hard? If he's here, it's bad, if he's not, it's still bad. Why can't we get a minute of peace? Oh, what I would pay for a peek into his mind. Everything is so wrong. Where did we go? Where did the world's favourite celeberty couple, according to US Weekly, disappear to?

Where did our forever and always go?

_Was I out of line? Did I say something way to honest? Made you run and hide, like a scared little boy. I looked into your eyes, thought I knew you for a minute not I'm not so sure_

The next day I'm forced to go to the office, due to the fact that Kelly had aranged something or other. I'm not entirely sure.

Either way, though, I'm pretty sure that Eddie's going to be there.

"Loren!" Kelly exclaims as I walk into Jake Madsen's office. I put on my best fake smile.

"Hi, Kelly," I reply. As soon as I look away from Kelly, though, I notice Eddie and Jake, standing in the corner and discussing something quietly among themselves.

"Don't ask what they're arguing about. I could't tell you," Kelly tells me, upon seeing what I'm looking at. I smile weakly.

"Um, why did you call me in?" I ask, just as an infuriated Eddie and Jake make their way over.

"Hey, Loren," Jake grumbles. I don't think he's mad at me, but in a bad mood overall. Eddie, on the other hand, says nothing. I look awkwardly at my lap, trying to ignore his presence.

"Whoa, what happened between you two? I can cut the tension with a knife," Kelly asks, looking from Eddie to me and then back to Eddie. Neither of us say anything. Although, I do meet his eyes. His cold, uncaring eyes. He's not the Eddie I thought I knew anymore.

But who is he?

_So here's to everything, coming down to nothing. Here's to silence, that cuts me to the core_

"Loren," I hear Eddie say, just as I'm walking to my car. I'm tempted to just continue walking and ignore him, but I turn around instead.

"Yes?" I reply, mimicking his coldness. For a minute, we don't say anything. He just stares into my eyes. For a second, I think I see the same Eddie, the caring, compasionate one.

"We have to sort this out," He pleads. I stare at him and clench my jaw.

"That's what we tried to do yesterday. Didn't work out so well, huh?"

"Loren, please. Can you- can you drop by later?" I stare at him, trying to analyze whether he was kidding or not. He seems sincere. I sigh, as I lean against the hood of my car.

"I guess," I mutter. He simply nods and walks off.

Just like that, he walks away.

_Where is this going? Thought I knew for a minute but I don't anymore_

Two hours later, I find myself knocking on Eddie's front door. I've been debating coming, but he was right. We need to sort things out. Are we over, or aren't we. The last straw. This meeting is going to make us or break us.

"Hey," He murmurs, as he opens the door slowly. I stay outside and simply reply, "Hello." He allows me inside, stepping out of the way so I can walk through the doorway.

"Where is this going?" I ask, straight up. He runs his hands through his hair.

"I honestly don't know anymore, Lo," He mumbles. I stare up at him, surprised he called me 'Lo'.

"You called my Lo," I state.

"What's wrong about that?"

"Nothing, it's just been awhile since you've said it. That's all." He nods, clearly not disagreeing.

"It's like I don't even know you anymore," I murmur to myself, but he must've heard.

"What changed? Can you at least tell me that?" I shake my head, not knowinf the true answer.

"You've just been...cold. Distant. And, things are just so much different than they used to be." He shoots me a deadly glare, and I wince. I'm not used to him giving me glares yet.

"Well, let me tell you something. You're no walk in the park either," He snaps. I feel like he just pounded me with a hammer; multiple times.

"See? Look at what you just said!"

"I'm only saying the truth, Loren."

"You know what? Fine. Say whatever you want to me. Because I don't care anymore. But I have to ask you something."

"What?"

"Do you find enjoyment in hurting me?" I whisper. "Because you sure as hell act like it." He looks up at me, his expression unreadable.

"Why would I find enjoyment in that?" He asks. I feel a tear trace down my cheek and I wipe it off just as quickly as it came.

"You tell me."

"Loren, listen to me. I love y-"

"Don't you dare," I say. "Don't tell me you love me. That's not fair."

"It's not fair?"

"No. You can't hurt me, fucking stab me with your words, and then say you love me. No. It doesn't work that way," I tell him. He stares at me, like he's done so many times.

"How have I hurt you?" I throw my hands up, frustrated.

"How haven't you? You ignore me. You glare at me. You do everything you promise you wouldn't."

"Like what?" I didn't bother wiping the tears off my cheeks this time.

"You promised you wouldn't become my father." He meets my tear-filled eyes. Realization crosses his face, before he takes a few steps closer to me.

"Loren," He whispers, carefully choosing his words. "I will never hurt you like that. Ever. Okay?" I look at him, and I want to believe him.

But I can't.

"It's too late. You already have."

_Back up, baby back up, back up, please back up_

"Loren, this is spiraling out of control," He tells me.

Yeah. Like I didn't already know.

"It lost control a long time ago, Eddie. I've just been in too much denial to realize it until now." We stand on opisite sides of the room, the area between us keeping a safe wall.

"But this was too good to throw away." I raise an eyebrow.

"Eddie, you're the one who threw it away. Not me." He groans in frustration.

"Loren, will you just shut up? Are you trying to save this relationship, or break it?" I look at my feet, running a hand through my hair.

"I want to save the old relationship we had. This one is nothing but drama," I tell him. He sighs.

"I'm still the same."

"How? How are you still the same?"

"I still love you," He says, his voice sincere. I bite my lip, holding back a sob.

"Then act like it," I tell him, my voice cracking. He walks over to me, quick enough that I couldn't back away. He grasps my arms and makes me look him in the eye. And for the first time in a while, I see that familiar, loving glint.

"I love you," He whispers. "Think of all the times we've had together. Not the bad ones, just the good ones. Every time I say I love you, I mean it." I squeeze my eyes shut.

"You're not playing fair," I tell him, "If you love me so much, then why don't you act like it?"

"I don't know."

"Well," I say, pulling away from his intoxicating grasp. "Tell me when you figure it out."

"Loren, why are you being so difficult?" He shouts, going from zero to a hundred in about five seconds.

"Why are you being such an ass? You can't do this to me! You can't throw insults at me, ignore me, and practically block me out of your life and then say how much you love me! How fair is that, Eddie?" I shoot back.

"It's the truth, Loren!"

"Is it? Is it really? Do you still love me, Eddie?"

"Yes."

"Then look me in the eye and tell me why you changed. That'll prove it." He looks me in the eye, but no words came out of his mouth.

"Exactly," I whisper. I feel my heard shatter, but I stay strong. "And until you find that answer, I don't see how we can make this work."

"Loren-"

"Goodbye, Eddie," I say, walking straight past him and out of his apartment.

I lost a piece of me that day. The first real relationship I've ever been in was over, and it hurt like hell. I loved him. I still love him. But, until he can give me an answer to what happened to him, than this will only get worse and worse.

Just keep in mind, Eddie Duran, that I'll be thinking of you.

_You said forever and always..._

**I'm going to go shoot myself, now. Ugh. I hated writing that. I hope you liked it, though. It was my first time writing present-tense, so I hope it wasn't to awful. There will be another one-shot that goes with this, my Instagram followers know what it is...;) Please review!**


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